The Morass

It has not been an easy start to 2012. I feel I owe a blanket apology to just about everyone in my life. I've been forgetful, distracted, neglectful and flakey. And if you've been (un)lucky enough to actually get my attention, I've been exhausted, downtrodden and just generally a drag to be around.

For the last six weeks or so, I've been in the middle of India. Figuratively.

There was a point mid-trip--in the middle of our five weeks in India and about midway through our entire seven-month adventure--when I had a crisis of conscience. Everything felt hard. Nothing was fun. It was not what I expected. I began to question not so much what we were doing, but what I was doing within our context--decisions, choices, attitudes, goals.

And maybe that's where I am today, though frankly I'm too overcommitted and overtired for much rumination. Don't get me wrong. I love being a wife. I love being a mother. I love my professional life. I'm fine with not having all the time for all the things I'd like in my life right now. But I've been too out of whack for awhile. I'm stealing "wife" time to be a "mom" and giving short shrift to my "mom" time to juggle my obligations for work. No one's really getting my full attention, and everything, including me, is suffering a bit for it.

But I'm working on it. I feel more hopeful today that I can get off the hamster wheel long enough over the next few days or week to try and slough some things off so I can try and divide my attention over fewer things more effectively.

It's funny, because almost as soon as we left India, I became obsessed with going back. To this day, it's probably one of the places that burns brightest in my memory and that I'm most anxious to take Otto and Stella to. (How old do you think kids have to be to go to India, anyway? Actually, the better question is probably how old do kids have to be to handle the long flight....)

I have faith that the same will be true of this time. That I will stop feeling slightly poisonous thoughts about those who say they "loved every minute" of life with their kids and will mostly remember that, truly, Stella and Otto are really awesome (except for those occasional times when they are not), and that it's a blessing to have an amazing husband and an inspiring, creative job and that I live in a time when I can have all of those things as part of my life.

So, please, bear with me. If you have suggestions for juggling or prioritizing, please let me know.

It's Official--Otto's a Mover!

Time to start babyproofing...




And notice my little mini-me?

I checked, and this is almost exactly the same timing as when Stella started to commando crawl, right around 7 months. Go Otto! Now just to get onto hands and knees....

February 13th

I just spent almost two hours going through my work inbox. Rather than accomplishing much, it mostly reminded me of another dozen things I need to do that I'd almost forgotten about. Otto is managing to still wake up 3+ times a night and decide that 5AM is the right time to start the day. Our remodel is *still* underway. We're paying for two kids in child care. To say this is not the easiest time of life would be an understatement.

On the plus side, I get to do it all with Tyler. I know, it's a cliche. It's near Valentine's Day, and I'm blogging about loving my husband. But, whatever. I do.

And with all the other craziness going on, I'm excited that tomorrow night we get to get dressed up, get a sitter, and sit across a table from one another and have uninterrupted conversation. No answering "how many bites, mommy?" No picking up Otto's spoon and bowl off the floor uncountable times. We just get to sit and enjoy each other's company. Yes, you read that right. Tomorrow the 13th, not the 14th.

Our February 13th date started in 2005, our second Valentine's together. I had a work trip to Alaska and left on Valentine's Day, so we went out the night before. Looking around us at the quiet restaurant, we realized it was great--everyone else was home waiting until the 14th. Once we got married, it elegantly also became our half-year anniversary, meaning we could celebrate it with a sense of personal meaning rather than feel we were totally catering to a somewhat manufactured holiday. It even was our first date night away from Stella after she was born, as a tradition to good to pass by even as new parents.

These days, these moments together are too far and few between and all the more necessary and precious. It's too easy to be distracted, get disconnected, go days without having substantive conversation that's not about managing our house/kids/life. And as I'm so easily reminded when we do get those times away from each other, I love Tyler's company. I know him deeply, yet he still regularly impresses me with his generous spirit. He's patiently dealing with too often being too far down my immediate list of priorities because, as an adult, he can tolerate some wait. He's too often the give point, and these date nights--our February 13th nights--are just a small way to try and rectify that and make up for the lost moments we can't always steal in the course of the day.

So tomorrow we'll get a bit of time with each other, a good drink, and hopefully fantastic food. That's going to do a lot to give us the strength and the partnership to make the upcoming weeks, which don't necessarily promise to be any easier than the last, that much more bearable.

As always, I love you Tyler. Happy half-year anniversary!



Yes, we're younger and better-rested in this photo than we truly are these days, but it's a favorite. And we hardly get photos together these days....

(Nearly) Six Months

Dearest Otto--

If something were to happen to us and you were left with the evidence of this blog and our photos to determine our love and interest in you, you might feel--in comparison to Stella's first half year--that something was lacking. And, to be fair, there are fewer videos, fewer photos, and fewer blog posts. But that wouldn't really be the truth. While we are busier and more distracted and (perhaps) more tired, we really couldn't love you more. I am equally fascinated with all your stages and new developments. I bask in your smiles. I treasure the moments I get to spend with you and get to really focus on you. I think you're a really fascinating human being.


And you look pretty cute in hats, like your dad!


Case in point, number 2


You've nearly already/only been with us six months. In some ways, it's hard to remember life without you. In others, it's been a blink of an eye since we brought you home and began life as a family of four. In that time, which is practically inconsequential to me as an adult, you've nearly doubled your weight, grown about 4 inches, started smiling, rolling, grasping things, babbling, laughing, and very nearly sitting up reliably. You love to bounce and, I swear, already wish you could stand up and follow your sister around the house.


Not to be left to your own devices for long, but you're starting to be a sitter!



Otto and Stella! We haven't been as good about taking videos and even less good about posting, so here's a livelier view for our friends and family who don't get to see the kids as much in person.

And you're about to start getting to eat food! This feels slightly bittersweet. On the one hand, I can't wait to introduce you to new things--avocado! Sweet potato! Fruits and vegetables, new tastes and textures! You'll finally be able to partake in one of my favorite things and something that really binds us together as a family. At the same time, I feel so blessed to have nourished you up to this point. Until you take that first bite of food, everything that's gotten you to where you are today has come from me. (Well, your father might take slight exception to that, but he knows what I mean!) Sure, sometimes breastfeeding has been taxing and meant I've had to pretty exclusively shoulder a major part of your life, but it also means we've had so much time together. And it's a pretty amazing thing women get to do, and I'm happy this worked out for you and I.


Sitting at the table!

And now you're at school--your first week under your belt. You're a social little guy, so I think being with new kids and adults is a good thing for you. A change for sure, but also a chance to experience new things and have an even broader circle of people who care for and love you. Like your sister, I have a feeling that you're going to thrive in the Montessori setting, where you'll get to be independent and self-driven in ways that are sometimes hard to replicate at home.



Hopefully you're this smiley at school, too!


And, finally, sleep. This is the one area where you've had to get with the program a little more quickly than your sister. I just couldn't keep waking up two, four, six times a night and be a good mom or functioning consultant. So you've cried it out. With the crib in the living room. (One day the remodel will be done and you'll have a proper bedroom!) The first night you cried three times and for some decent stretches. By the fourth night, you did it--sleeping through the night from about 8PM until 5AM--wow! Of course, then you got sick and backslid, but the last two nights you've done it again, so we're hoping for more sleepy nights than not going forward.


Otto, the elephant wrangler! Can't wait to take you places where you could conceivably ride an elephant--Vietnam, India, Thailand....

So know, Otto, you are beloved by your parents. And your sister (who you think is pretty much the coolest thing on the planet). And the rest of your extended family. And probably even many of the readers of this blog.





Love, Mom

Everything old is new again, or is it vice versa?

Q: What's the difference between a blog about a family with one child, and a blog about a family with two children?

A: The parents in the first situation actually have time to post on their blog.

...or, at least that's sort of how I've felt recently whenever I think of this blog. Then again, the last couple of months have been dominated by Birthdays, the holidays and a slew of never-ending changes, so I think I can be forgiven. But, it also means that I have a lot to catch up on...

So, let's just jump, into it, shall we!

With Thanksgiving behind us, it was full-speed ahead into Christmas. Neither Sarah nor I have generally been the type of people who jump the gun on Christmas decorations, but with it being Otto's first Christmas, and the first Christmas that Stella really "got it," we ended up getting our tree up fairly early this year...


December 2nd, and we've got a decorated tree.

After that, the next couple of weeks were a flurry of parties: my mom's Birthday, lots and lots and lots of holiday parties and (of course) my Birthday! Last year, my Birthday was actually a bit of a bust. I'd organized a big pizza party, but due to inclement weather and a slew of over-lapping Christmas parties, most of the invited guest ended up cancelling out at the last minute. It was still a fun time, and it made me doubly-appreciate those friends who were able to make, but it had left me a little disenchanted with the position of my birth date on the calendar. So, this year I almost didn't have a party...

...until, literally the day before, Sarah urged me to have one anyway. So, at the last minute, I sent out a flurry of emails inviting people to just come on by. And, y'know what, it ended up being one of my favorite Birthday parties in a long time. Not too big, not to small. Just fun a fun evening surrounded by friend, good drink and Korean beef tacos. Cheers!


Me and a couple of my friends -Rhett, Stephanie and Liam- toasting the start of my 36th year. (Photo by Ambika Beck.)

Oh, and somewhere in the middle of all the parties, Otto turned 5 months old...

Congrats, big guy!

...speaking of the "big guy," as Otto get's older and older, he's been able to do more and more. He's rolling now, and can jump in his bouncer. He's also big enough to ride in the hiking backpack. Which, means he's also big enough to fall asleep in it...



Soon though, it was the big day...


Presents under the tree! Plus, stockings! (...including the new one Sarah made just for Otto! Great work, honey!)

Stella shows Otto how to open presents.

After opening presents at our house on Christmas morning, it was over to my parents house for Round Two of presents and more festivities.


Otto spends some quality time with Uncle Travis, while I break out my Christmas hat.

The day after Christmas we finally rested... oh, wait, actually we loaded up our suitcases to fly to Texas to visit Sarah's family! Though Stella's already flown more times than I had by the time I was in my early 20's, this was Otto's first flight and our first out-of-state trip as a family of four. I'd be lying if I said the flight was easy, but -all things considered- I have to admit it went smoothly. But, as seems to be a running theme with child #2, we failed to take a picture of Otto on his first plan ride.

In Texas, first we visited with Sarah's mom and step-dad, or as Stella calls them: Nana and Grandpapa. Our visit with them included a trip to the Dallas arboretum to see a number of fairy tale inspired castles and houses.


Walking with Nana and Grandpapa in the arboretum. You can see one of the fairy tale style houses in the background. (Otto's managed to flip up the front of his bjorn to cover his face. A favorite trick of his.)

Sarah's mom, Sarah, Otto and Stella sit in "Cinderella's carriage." One of Stella's highlights of the visit.

After a couple days, and more presents for Stella and Otto, it was on to Commerce, TX, to visit Sarah's dad and step-mom. While there, in addition to Round 4 of Christmas presents, we also spent a lot of time at the park. One of the nice things about this trip down there was the weather was excellent, in the high 60's and even low 70's. Seattle's actually had a mild, dry Winter so far, but it's still nice to get outside and enjoy some sun!


Otto enjoy's his first slide, with Grandpa Bob. Notice Stella in the background: She won't have anything to do with slides these days. She's a swing girl.

Otto meet's his Great-Grandma Jean.

A random picture of the kids playing in a cardboard house Grandpa Bob had made for Stella in a previous visit. It cracks me up every time I see it.

And, then suddenly, the holiday's were behind us, and we were back home...


Otto and Stella arrive back in Seattle... their parents were only slightly less beat.

With 2012 ahead of us, things have started to slow down a little again. And, while there are always new developments in life -good and bad- I anticipate that the next couple months will be quieter. More time around the house, and hopefully wrapping up the remodel and settling into the new rooms. But mostly, hopefully, a little quiet time. Read all the book we accumulated over the holiday. Maybe play some board games...


Stella beats Grandma Susan, Grandpa Rick and I at Candy Land.

But, that brings us to the final development that happened officially today: I went back to work after 3 months at home, and Otto started Day Care Full-Time. To be honest, the whole thing sort of snuck up on us. And, I'm probably still emotionally unpacking it a little. I have to admit that there is part of me that was starting to go a little stir-crazy; bouncing around the house and fretting over clutter and the remodel. And, there's part of me that was happy to walk into an office this morning, turn on a computer and start working again. But, at the same time, I'll definitely miss getting to spend so much of my time with Otto. These last couple of months have been challenging at times, but have also been a bit of a revelation as I got to know the little guy, and learn what an incredible little person he is. I'm proud of the fact that we got to spend this time together, and that I made the decision to take this paternity leave.

I'll miss being around him all day. But, at least I can console myself by coming home each evening to see his smile...



It's been wonderful, Otto. I love you.

4 Months & 3 Years

Otto turned four months!



Well, sure, really he's almost closer to five months now, but we did get the picture on the actual day. And he's doing fun stuff, like rolling over, using his bouncy chair and just being more with it.


Helping daddy!


Tummy time!


Bouncing!

He also had his well-baby check-up. He's 17 pounds and 26 inches. Surprisingly, he's only in the 76th percentile for height and weight. (Surpising since he's in 9-month clothes and almost always the biggest baby in the room.)

And Stella turned three!



Last February, after her friend Lucy's party (and three months after her own), Stella got really into the idea of a birthday. Now her interest was cute but unfortunate, given that she had nine months to wait until her birthday rolled around again. So for the previous nine months we've had to talk about how Stella's birthday is after summer, after Otto's birthday, after Halloween and the day after Thanksgiving. But it did finally arrive and we made the most of it.

First, birthday presents on Thanksgiving with Grandma Susan, Grandpa Rick, Great-Grandma Gloria and Great-Aunt Debby.



On the actual day itself, she got pancakes for breakfast, more presents, a trip to the aquarium, a ride on a carousel, her choice for dinner (surprisingly, she requested tofu, and ate a lot) and a birthday cupcake.


Our fairy princess


Birthday carousel ride--I forgot these things make me feel a little carsick


Make a wish! (I believe it ended up being for "candy")

And then came the birthday party. We weren't sure how well-attended it would be right after Thanksgiving, but we had a good number of friends who could come celebrate with us, and it was really fun to see lots of different friends and watch the kids play in the "Zany Zone".


One crafty goal achieved: I saw this and thought it would be perfect for princess-obsessed Stella. It was down to the wire, but I finished it before her party!


Party time!


Stella kept saying she wanted a "rainbow cake" and different colored flowers had to do the trick. I also love that one of her friends in the background has her ears covered up for the birthday song. (I'm almost surprised Stella doesn't!)

And here's Stella holding her baby brother:



Oh, yeah, and Thanksgiving dinner happened amidst all that, too!


Dinner with the Hills!

Laughter

As Tyler mentioned in the previous entry, Stella has better success at making Otto laugh than any of the rest of us:



Ignore the fog--I had called Tyler in to record this while he was in the middle of washing dishes. Apparently the heat from his hands on the cold camera created its own little weather system.

Probably good to have this on tape for those moments that are less smile-worthy....